Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
