The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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