man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
