the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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