I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
