I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
