i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
