You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
