Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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