puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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