Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
