i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
