she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
