True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
