Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
