kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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