It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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