if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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