it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
