I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
