Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize