I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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