im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
