Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I love you.
Bad choice
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
