she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
