Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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