ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
