Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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