He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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