i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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