I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
