It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
