It's like a parade of train wrecks.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
