This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
