your thong is hanging out like whoa
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think my moral compass just broke
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
