I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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