I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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