I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
