I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
