There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize