we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
