This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
