if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
