Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
