rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
