What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
