I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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