It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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