I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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