I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
