he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
