this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
