I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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