how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
