So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
