you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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