Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
