My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
