Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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