I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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