i just wanna soil my oats bro
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
