So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
