I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
