I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
